


When I'm Alone

by RAD2103



Series: The Loner [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-23
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-01-04 07:07:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12163968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RAD2103/pseuds/RAD2103
Summary: Sometimes an entire story can be told by a couple of hands, and some gestures. No speaking or facial expressions needed.This is based off of some beautiful art done by simply-nel at Tumblr. Please go look it will make the story a little bit more understandable, but I would recommend looking after reading this fic.





	1. Fiery

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if you see any grammatical, or conventional errors.

    Our relationship had a fiery start to say the least. We were constantly bickering and causing trouble with one another. We played practical jokes all the time, each one more intricate than the last. I look back now and realize that when it started I was doing it out of jealousy, and he was doing it because he was an emotional reactor. 

* * *

 

    " LAAAAAANCE!! I am going to quiznacking kill you if it is the last thing I do!"

    " That would require you catching me Keef!"

    " You need to stop calling me that! Or I will- I will-"

    " You will what Keeef? Come and get me? You are already trying that and it's not working so good!"

    So I continued to sprint through the castle, knowing that my lanky body was faster than Keith's, and that my long legs definitely helped. Until I turned a corner that I had no idea had some secret surprise door behind it. Soon he had launched himself into the air and kicked me in the chest, which did more than knock the wind out of me. That small emo mullet had a lot more power than I had anticipated, so I ended out sprawled out on the floor wheezing like Hunk still does after a flight in his lion. I was wildly gripping at my chest like it was going to help the situation when Keith pulled a stunt I will never forget.

    " Oh, so the great and mighty 'sharp shooter' just can't handle hand to hand combat, or confrontation." A slight pause and then, "Good to know!"

    He then decided to jump on top of me and pin my arms to the ground. Which reflecting now was a total turn on, but in that moment it freaked me out, he had all of the power. He had the upper hand in the fight and all I could do was try to wrench up against him, which even though I was stronger I did not have the tactical fighting technique that he did. Not to mention I was still winded

   " So, the next time you think of stealing shiro's eyeliner and putting it in my room, or if you make another joke at my expense having to do with the idea of me being a leader, remember that I can kill you without leaving any traces, and I know where you live!"

    "You and I both know that you don't want to be a leader and the fact that your not suited for it doesn't change that!" My bite was fast and I wanted it to sting, even though I knew he would make a good leader he just needed to learn how to be more personable. 

    Then he leapt off of me, just so that he would have a better angle to kick the bottom of my jaw from, it was not full force but it still hurt. 

    "Ow! What the quiznack was that?!?!"

    But all he did was run off, I knew I had hurt him but honestly wasn't that kick a little much? Couldn't he have settled for a blow to the gut, my perfect complexion was now temporarily marred by a green bruise that was already beginning to bud a purple color. How dare he! It was just a practical joke then he decided to take it to the next level! Mind you, I did know that it was my fault that I pushed him that far, but I was jealous, and that can make people do crazy things.

    So I wound up, wandering back to my room where I could pout and try and use some make up to cover up the imperfect green and purple bruise that seared my skin. I would confront him later, or so I thought. But the longer that I was in my room, the longer I thought, and soon I had come to terms with the idea that maybe, just maybe I hurt him more emotionally than he hurt me physically. So my night was beginning to be filled with a mix of dread and makeup, when the alarms blared through the castle. Since the bruise was not fully covered and looked worse instead of better I decided to wipe off the makeup I had done and show it off. On some inner level it was in hopes that Keith would see it and at least have some small twang of remorse or guilt, even though I knew he would not. 

    I marched into the castle command center, fully decked out in my blue Paladin armor. When I walked in Hunk was the first to notice the bruise, well maybe not, just the first to mention it.

    " Hey Lan- wait what is that!?!" He pointed exaggeratedly at the bruise on my face, and it took me a minute longer to realize what he was pointing at than Keith. As soon as he figured it out he practically curled in on himself, standing right there. I was watching him like a hawk until that point, then I finally responded.

    " Come on bud, you know what it is, your not that naive." I shot him a sly grin as I said this. 

    " It looks to me like a bruise." Pidge had decided to chime in, and being as I felt like an older brother to them. I was not willing to admit that I had the shit kicked out of me by a guy who still sported a mullet.

   " To the contrary! It is the blossom of love!" My shit eating grin was in full effect as I glanced over to Keith.

    " It's a hickey!!!!" Shiro was astonished, and he moved to cover up Pidge's ears while he said this.

    " Please let me interrupt this to ask, what exactly is a 'hickey'?" Allura almost struggled to ask the question as the word was so foreign to her.

    " Well princess," I was deciding to be bold, " If you wanted I could show you later!" Coran was turning all shades of red in the corner and Shiro was squeezing Pidge's head so hard I thought it just might burst!

    " The princess will do no such thing! She is a royal Altean!" He had come undone, and he was grabbing ahold of Allura's wrist to pull her to the other side of the control room where she was as far away from me as possible. 

    I had slowly fallen into my natural spot in the room right next to Keith, like it was programmed into my brain at this point. Our hands were just inches apart, but it almost seemed as though you could see the still burning blue and red fires radiating from our hands. We were both still upset, and neither one of us was willing to say sorry yet


	2. Friends?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe this hot- headed, mullet rocking, emo and I could be friends?

Our natural, or what we could call natural, habitat had been restored. We as a group were in working order. Things between Keith and I settled, and I was left to only wrestle with internal demons, instead of external.

  _Why am I here?_

This question plagued me everyday, I asked myself why and I had no answer, all I had we're concerns. My everyday seemed to roll in a pretty fluent, continuous, almost ritualistic cycle. I started my day with waking up to perform my normal morning tasks, well tasks makes them sound bad, they weren't, they still aren't. I would get into my blue armor, in a somewhat leisurely fashion, unless I was rudely awoken by the alarms. Most days it was a get up, suit up, train out, and chill out, kind of schedule. This gave a lot more opportunity for me to be alone with my thoughts, which was not always good. Especially not when I contemplated, my existence, my potential, my value, my reason for living. So the team aspect was great, but I was a mess. I had begun to separate myself from the team, I had created a void and I didn't want to crawl out of it.

* * *

 

" Hey are you in there?" The voice was husky and sort of heart warming, it reminded me of the soothe in my dad's voice when he came to comfort me.

"Are you in there?"

"Oh, oh yeah Shiro, your welcome to come in." His calming voice at my door caught me off guard.

"I just wanted to drop by, and see you."

"Hoping for a quicky are ya? Well I am not that easy!" I put on the best face that I could to seem flirtatious and 'interested', really I was just putting on the best face I could that looked like 'me'.

" LANCE!" He groaned, like he was completely done trying to continue the already short conversation. "I am here because I wanted to invite you to come and train with Keith and I. I know that he has been able to catch you off guard in hand to hand combat lately, so I wanted to train you and give a few tips."

"In case the Galra attack of course, because you would most definitely not choose to help me get the upper hand in an attack on yoouuuurrrr, brother." *Wink* my emphasis was just in hopes of nudging the conversation forward.

"Of course, I had just  _noticed_ that you had a hard time with hand to hand combat through the observance of one of your fights with Keith." He seemed to be pretty confident in his sarcastic abilities.

"So will you join us, no Galra *wink* will be prepared to take you on!"

" Your very funny, but I am going to work on organizing my skin care products, because, what are we, Animals?" I shrugged and passed a smile at my own reference to Pidge.

" Are you sure, because some say we animals are pretty fun?"

" No thanks, I'm good, thanks though." And he exited, I was relieved to have him gone. It sounds bad now, but with my own problems, I was already stuck between a rock and a hard place.

So I did what I said I would be doing, and as I worked I just silently judged every small detail about myself that I believed to be wrong.

* * *

I had passed out on my bed, surrounded by alien skin products when there were three raps on my door. My immediate assumption was Shiro coming back to check, because surely I was not asleep for that long. So I signalled for the door to open and was surprised at who I saw.

"Hey man."

"You look terrible!"

"Thank you, I open the door for you and I am betrayed for it."

"Your welcome, I do what I can." He was such a smart ass.

" I hope that you are not only here to insult me. Remember your in my doorway, which I control, I could chop you in half, right down the middle."

" In fact I didn't just come here to insult you, but it was a fun add on." He flashed me a fake smile, that just provoked me even further.

"Then do tell, why the quiznack are you here?!!" 

"I am here because you weren't in training."

"So."

"You haven't been coming to training sessions lately unless they were with the whole team, or just with Blue. Which means that our individual bonds aren't getting any better with you, they are getting worse!"

"Don't yell or get snippy with me! It is not integral to the team that we individually have bonds! I participate in every group training session, and practice with Voltron or the Lions, I am doing what is necessary!"

"What you are doing is secluding yourself!"

"Like I said, it's not Integral, just like me!" I screamed what I actually thought for once, and it sucked I didn't want that information out. Especially not to my emo, dropout rival.

"What did you just say?" I swear it seemed like his jaw fell to the floor when he heard me say I was not important.

"I didn't say anything, please just ignore it. This is more personal than either of us care to get with each other." I pleaded with him in hopes of us both, or him at the very least, forgetting about it.

He didn't! He grabbed me by the arm and drug me to the bridge of the castle, where no one was thank God!

" What the hell are you doing!???!!"

"Look at that star system over there," he pointed out the window at a galaxy on our left side, " tell me what Galaxy that is!"

" The theta Galaxy that has six planets in it's orbit." The words just flew out of me.

"And that one over there?" I again answered with ease, this 'game' went on for a good 25 minutes before he finally said something meaningful.

" I know none of that, and I don't plan on learning it, you are an asset and an ally, not a weakness. You can even do more than recite planets and solar systems. You are our sharp shooter! I know I make fun of you but, I am a terrible shot. You are like a glue that holds the team together, without you our team is incompatible, and incomplete. You were the only person chosen specifically by their Lion, you found Blue, the rest of us were simply assigned."

"Yeah but you were the one who picked up on the readings. You found Red, I am easily replaceable, there are other aliens in the universe that can do better than I can."

" But not the way you can! You make our team whole, yes there are other people who can do the same stuff, but they don't have your wonderful personality!"

"Thanks."

"Your welcome, now I expect a weekly if not daily report of how you are doing! You will train with me one on one and with everyone else! If you don't there could be an actual detriment to the team."

"Ok." I was silently resined, I didn't want to cause more trouble with someone trying to help, especially when that someone never even said a nice thing to me until now.

"I don't really know how to end this because I, well, I put up a lot of walls to keep people at a distance. One on one conversation is a rarity. So fist bump?"

"Yeah, I sure as hell am not about to hug you so, that sounds good to me." I gave a quick smile and we fist bumped. It was a quick maneuver in which I was fluent but he seemed to have lacked an education in, as he didn't get much physical contact. His hand was sort of shaky but when he finally just gave me the fist bump, he seemed to be satisfied with himself. Then he just walked away. Without a word, leaving me in complete silence.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I am trying to follow the pictures to the best of my abilities. If you guys have any comments at all, please do. I understand that I don't update often but I try. This is going to be an emotional rollercoaster for all of us so, I wanted to know, do you guys want an alternate happy ending after I give you the sad one?


	3. Galran Contact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys get a taste of adventure, and Lance may even get a taste of Keith.

So Keith had left me to stand alone, thinking about the fact that he actually did care about me, and how he showed it in the most stupid way! He gave me an assignment, like a boss or something, I had to report to him, about how I was feeling no less. Needless to say I was not enthused.

____________________________________________________

 Our mission the next day put us in very different situations. No major enemy action however. Most of the concern was keeping a stabilizer that Hunk and Pidge built from exploding. The person heading up the ''please don't explode team" was me of course. Keith however had a much more interesting and less tense job of keeping one of the rotors moving at the same pace as the other three on the Castles rear turbine. This rotor had to be moved manually as the systems which normally performed this dull repetitive task were malfunctioning, thus the need for a stabilizer.

Even though this little mission was not very extreme in intensity, I was constantly reminded of how little use I was to the team. I was expendable, well not truly, but that was how I felt. Hunk and Pidge were well out of harms way two rooms over from the chamber I was pressure locked in. This was because they were programming and running diagnostics tests that could not be efficiently performed in the room with an unstable stabilizer. Now that I think about it that is kind of finnf and pretty symbolic for me at the time. I was unstable but expected to stabolize the team. Anyway, this whole experience left me in that completely locked room with the simple thought that I was not truly needed.

This sad and self deprivating thought I was forced to later relay to Keith. Which I got so much shit for by the way.

____________________________________________________

" So let me get this straight. You were locked in a room with the equivalent to a bomb and your thoughts wrrwere on how best to perserve your life, rather, how little everyone else cares about your life?"

" You make it sound really stupid but yeah that is a pretty accurate way to sum the situation up."

" That is absolutely ridiculous, and stupid so I am glad that I already made that point clear. You cannot always think about what the motives of others are, you need to think about your own!"

This not so inspiring, inspirational speech was followed by many more but the one which still sticks out the most to me is this... 

" Are you insane?!? Today you jumped in front of a laser for Allura. But according to you it was not because you were being Noble, but it was because you wanted to serve a purpose on the team. Even if that purpose was a human shield. Are you kidding me?"

" No, believe it or not I am not a constant joker. I can be serious."

" No more snyde comments Lance! I think we are making progress even though you still don't value yourself as much as I value you, now we talk openly about things. I want you to know that I am not giving up on you."

This conversation basically ended there but it struck me. Keith told me that I held value to him, I mean he didn't specify what type but he certainly meant what he said. I was only left with one thought however.

I had to consult Hunk!

____________________________________________________

"What do I do Hunk? I think I like him, he may even like me, but I don't know."

"Lance it sounds like he likes you, and I would like to ask, when has someone not liking you back stopped you from hitting on them before?"

" I value him more than that though, because if he decides to go out with me or admit his feelings I want it to go somewhere. But if he doesn't then I want to still be close friends. I have never asked someone out who I felt serious about before. How do I even do it? Let me throw a couple of ideas your way."

" Ok..."

So after that I essentially threw pick up line after pick up line at him but the conversation ended at this one.

"Hey, the names Lance...

But you can call me, anytime." *wink & finger guns*

"Dude that won't work!" Hunk seemed so done with our conversation at this point. "Keith is going to fall for you, not your crappy pick up lines."

"Hey, watch your mouth, that is some of my best material!" I watched as his eyes rolled and he got up to leave. But before he exited my door he just looked back and gave me a nod and a smile. He was my best friend for a reason, his very smile gave me courage, like a mother duck when she pushes her duckling out into the pond to swim for itself.

____________________________________________________

I waited a couple of days before I tried something however. When I was about to Keith had just come back from a risky flight through an astroid belt outside of the Balmeran home planet. It went a little something like this.

I ran up to him and embraced him.

"Hey welcome back man!"

"I missed you."

"I missed you too."

Then we both jumped back, embarrassed, but not ashamed. It was like a sudden ride in the gut when we realized that we had just deeply gazed into each other's eyes in front of the entire team. Including Coran, who would turn out to be both my greatest ally, and the biggest gossip.

I just stood there dumbfounded, he clearly liked me back. But was I going to make a move right now, in front of the team, in front of Coran?! No, the answer is no I was not. However I more than intended to do so later.

"holy quiznack, Keith broke him!" Damn Pidge, that little shit, I was already embarrassed and astounded enough without her comments.

Needless to say this first attempt did not go as planned. I froze and it was sad.

However later I did finally get to make my move. 

____________________________________________________

Keith and I were in a training session later that night talking about how I was doing on the whole self doubt front, with some clear tension about the very loving embrace earlier still on our minds. When Keith decided that we should do a little sparring to work out some of my "emotional stress" as he called it.

We were about two inches from each other's faces and Keith was looking at me with determination in his eyes as he was ready to throw me to the ground. However I knew that I had the advantage because he was so focused on trying to mentally overpower me that he forgot he needed to physically do so. With this in mind I swept his feet out from underneath him and took him to the mat. I thought for a quick second about making some snarky comment like,

" You really thought you had me there for a second didn't you?"

But I made the decision to lean in just a little closer and touch my lips to his. I knew I could get away quick if he rejected me so this seemed like the perfect moment. In truth it was, he didn't reject me, I mean I am not saying that I got much back from this show of affection but, the fact that he didn't squirm away and yell at me was more than enough to boost my confidence. Embarrassed I quickly got off from on top of him and scratched the back of my neck. He was blushing so hard but there was a smile spread across the lips that I just tasted. We both didn't know how to respond so we just sort of smiled at each other sharing faces as red as tomatoes. Then we turned and left not a single word being shared between the two of us.

This satisfying yet draining encounter left me pleased but concerned. I overlooked every piece of evidence that Keith showed of how much he liked me and enjoyed the kiss and only focused on how little he kissed back. I got so caught up in how he didn't say anything afterwards and how he didn't really do much that I threw myself into a panic. I thought of how big a mistake I had made and dreaded seeing him later. Several times I even thought of quitting being a paladin.

But later my mind was changed. I was reminded that Keith had never gotten very much physical affection, especially not of the romantic kind and that he didn't know how to reciprocate my gesture. 

____________________________________________________

As we got summoned to the Castles bridge I fell into my normal place next to Keith still dwelling more on the moments of our training more than the debriefing from Allura. In all the time I spent thinking about my fears I almost missed the sudden brisk yet soft touch of a finger to my wrist. It was Keith. He slid his pinky finger against my wrist down to my own pinky finger which he clasped tightly. Realizing that he was trying to hold my hand he just didn't know how to initiate it, I interlocked my fingers in his and I felt both of our tension ease away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wait and see what type of trouble this budding relationship leads into, as always please comment, like and let me know of any errors or things you want added in.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
